Joke - A lawyer joke

susie · Post by **susie** » 2001 Feb 24, 16:43

A big-city lawyer from Washington, D.C. went duck hunting in the South Carolina Low country. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck, and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "Look, I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in South Carolina. Down here we settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "A Three Kick Rule..... what is the Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to the kidney area nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will, managed to get to his feet, and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." :biggrin:

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Feb 24, 17:34

LOL, good one Susie, :biggrin:
Now here's one:

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer approached her car, flipping open his ticket book, she said " I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway Patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle, and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for a few minutes. :cheesy:

Hey, think this might be a true story, :biggrin:

Charm · Post by **Charm** » 2001 Feb 24, 17:39

two good ones susie and sweetie.. ok one short one how can you tell if a lawyer is lying? .......:biggrin:........ His lips are moving...:biggrin:

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Feb 24, 17:59

LMAO, good one. :biggrin:

susie · Post by **susie** » 2001 Feb 24, 23:41

pa sweetie. I think the joke about the Policeman's balls it a true one and did happen. :)

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Feb 25, 15:42

LOL Susie, I agree. When I read it the first time, I thought, this could happen. Hey maybe we can try it when we get pulled over, :biggrin:

Ash · Post by **Ash** » 2001 Feb 26, 01:56

MONEY

It can buy a House - But not a Home
It can buy a Bed - But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock - But not Time
It can buy you a Book - But not Knowledge
It can buy you a Position - But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine - But not Health
It can buy you Blood - But not Life
It can buy you Sex - But not Love

So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.

So I tell you all this because you are all my close Friends,
and as your Friend, I want to take away your pain and suffering!

So send me ALL your money and I will suffer for you.
Cash only please.

Sal · Post by **Sal** » 2001 Feb 26, 02:22

Haha half of the take goes to me Ash.. :biggrin:

Ash · Post by **Ash** » 2001 Feb 26, 03:53

Ummm Sal? Will you settle for 10%? :o

Sal · Post by **Sal** » 2001 Feb 26, 04:48

Maybe. We'll have to talk about that. :evilgrin:

Ash · Post by **Ash** » 2001 Feb 26, 12:57

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination" said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me" said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, please stick out your tongue."
:)

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Feb 27, 20:54

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your pleased two no,
It's letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Mar 01, 00:47

Ash, I wouldn't give him more than 5%. After all you're doing all the work, and it was your great idea, :) Hmmmm, come to think of it, 5% may be too much

:evilgrin:

pa sweetie · Post by **pa sweetie** » 2001 Mar 01, 21:40

I couldn't resist sharing this one

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it. :)

Linda · Post by **Linda** » 2001 Mar 01, 23:48

Okay PA Sweetie, now that you started the men bashing....................
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve
around him.