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[Tuxman]

Probably you could go best with the default Irish application.

One button:
[ BOOZE ]

[Kilmatead]

Hey, you lads invented Oktoberfest, not us.  We're happy enough to get pissed on mouthwash when we can get it.  We never felt the need to actually organise anything first - that's way too retentive.

The Irish and personal pride are mutually exclusive entities when it comes to alcohol.

[Tuxman]

You should not mix up Germans and Bavarians though. We, in Lower Saxony, neither drink Weißbier (we prefer good old Pils) nor visit the Oktoberfest too often. Too far away, too expensive. Also, we have a less weird dialect.

[Kilmatead]

Ah, you see?  Saxony -> Inspired the Anglo-Saxons -> Also Inspired many stinging insects (WASPish things like bored housewives) -> Thus closely related to the evil Brits.  I always figured you for a lager-lout anyway.

The first Lower Saxon parliament or Landtag met on 9 December 1946. It was not elected; rather it was established by the British Occupation Administration

[Tuxman]

While we're at etymology, the Anglo-Saxons were "inspired my" the Saxons. So we are basically inspired by ourselves.

[Kilmatead]

Yeah, and then your tribe invaded the South, inspired the Visigoths to sack Rome and you inadvertently caused the decline of Western Civilisation.  And now you're giving out about the Irish drinking habits?  Oi, what a race of busybodies.

[Tuxman]

I wish we had your savoir-vivre. We are working hard, trying to decrease our negative impact on world economy and Western civilisation. (Which is not easy with these US-Americans making war,  not love.)

[Kilmatead]

War is always good for the economy - why do you think they're still at it when they have no one legitimate left to kill anyway?  Love is bad for the economy.  And come to think of it, love is bad for many things - it certainly ruined the sensitive hearts of more young men than war ever did.  Love is a Dog from Hell, as the only decent American poet once wrote.  War, on the other hand, has given us civilisation as we know it (minus that few-centuries-blip that you caused), and lots of gallant daring-do.  What has Love ever inspired other than tragedies, suicides, and illegitimate children?

[Tuxman]

Children are most likely a result of "love", not of love; just like "war" is not the same as war. ("War", on the other hand, is the German word for "was", while "was" means "what"; so this is all quite tricky, isn't it?)

Which American poet are you talking of - Lady Gaga?

[Kilmatead]

No, though Miss GaGa did have the nice line about "Love is like a brick - you can use it to build a house or sink a dead body."  Very thoughtful girl, that.

The poet I was referring to was Charles Bukowski, who was, strangely enough, rather popular in Germany at one stage.  A man who does not mince words.

"Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them."

[Tuxman]

I am a bit afraid now that I see you reciting recent girlie pop stuff.

Ah, old Charlie. (He who stole the handle. (Jethro Tull. (The band, not the ecologist.)))

[Kilmatead]

Wasn't Jethro Tull a vintner?  Or type of whiskey or something?  That's where the band gleaned their moniker from I think.

What, you don't think a brick can sink a dead body?  (Breeze-Blocks are especially useful for this.)  As a Richard Bach character once said, "I quote the truth wherever I see it" when someone challenged him for quoting Snoopy the Dog in a philosophical context.

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

[Tuxman]

Wasn't Jethro Tull a vintner?  Or type of whiskey or something?  That's where the band gleaned their moniker from I think.

Well.

What, you don't think a brick can sink a dead body?

Depends on the brick, the body and the fluctuation, I presume.

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

You made some mistake here: The internet did not prove yet that it is impossible. The monkey theorem does not implicate a time spam, does it?

[Kilmatead]

@Tull: Right you be, wrong I be.  Live and learn.  Not sure which Charlie they were referring to in the song though - the description fits him well, nonetheless.

@Bricks: Being an ex-bricklayer, on this I can guarantee you - bricks are very practical for sinking dead bodies.  Until the bloating begins and the necrotic gasses form - then it gets messy.

@Monkeys: The quote was from that Wilensky fellow - do I sound like a Yale person?  Wouldn't be caught necrotic in that silly institution.  So the mistake was his... but you're right, no time frame was satisfied as was part of the original empirical theorem.  That said, us monkeys are trying hard!

[Tuxman]

@Bricks: Being an ex-bricklayer, on this I can guarantee you - bricks are very practical for sinking dead bodies.

"When you see it, you'll shit bricks ..."

@Monkeys: The quote was from that Wilensky fellow - do I sound like a Yale person?

At least you try your best to sound like someone with a certain attitude of a noble expression. Quoting Wilensky, you added some emoticon, indicating that you're with him on this, and as I don't have Wilensky here, I can only address you with your mistake to accept his not-so-well-thought theorem, not him actually stating it.